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Secondary Current Music: Un Monde Sans Danger - Code Lyoko
(I'd go all Friends Only on this, except I don't want to. So feel priveldged, my non-Friends XD)
I'm....really conflicted here, guys.... I'll tell you why, but first a little backstory.
To start things off... Well, my mother is an alcoholic. A pretty heavy drinker, too. She's tried to clean up several times in the past, but it's never gone through. She lies constantly, and hides things. Hell, that's probably where I got MY need to hide things... Or something, I dunno. To give you an idea of how much my mother drinks, well...
Okay, listen(read?) to this. When she lived here, my mother had a bedroom in our attic for a period of time. At one point, she moved down and I moved up. Well one night, I was having problems with my mattress, which kept sliding off the one it was sitting on (the attic ceiling was sloped, and since my bed was against the wall, there was just no room for a regular bed. So we stacked two on top of each other). You know why? I found out when I lifted my mattress to see what the problem was. There was literally HUNDREDS of empty potato vodka bottles stashed between the mattresses. Plus, the other day when Dad and I cleaned out the attic, we had literally bags upon bags of empty bottles and cans that Mom had hidden up there, that we had to throw away. That give you an idea?
Anyway- and all of this has been relayed to me since Mom no longer lives here -the other day Mom went into seizures. She was checked into the hospital, and was diagnosed with alcohol brain poisoning. That means that all she's drank has royally fucked up her head, and if she drinks once more, it could fucking kill her. And she's in denial-- she's refused EVERYONE's, even the doctor's, offers to help. Even her children's. So, I may lose my mother soon. I just lost my grandmother (HER mother), and now MY mother may be gone soon as well.
The problem is... Although I'm saddened about this, and it cuts deeply... I'm not depressed. I'm not "Oh my god my mother is gonna die, I can't go on!" and shit. I'm actually...well, I don't know how to explain it. I can tell you one thing though. Biologically that may be my mother, but that's not the woman I acknowledge as my mom. Who she was is gone-- ask any of my family, she's not who she used to be. So I may be losing my mother, but I'm not losing "Mom". Get it?... Ah hell, even I don't.
Anyway, I just wanted to get that out. There's a survey here that I stole from Yumi-girl, so have fun with that :P I'll do a less downer of an entry later XD;; Oh yeah, the entry title came from the English version of "Hiru no Tsuki" from Outlaw Star :P
( Survey! Yay? XD )
Semi-Random Pic of the Moment
Pup knows what this picture is about and who it is. Everyone else, have fun guessing! XDXD I MAY say it in a future entry, if I'm feeling nice or rambly ;P I will say that it is NOT a human. And I'm sorry for the quality, my scanner ate it right before it broke again ^_^;;;
(I'd go all Friends Only on this, except I don't want to. So feel priveldged, my non-Friends XD)
I'm....really conflicted here, guys.... I'll tell you why, but first a little backstory.
To start things off... Well, my mother is an alcoholic. A pretty heavy drinker, too. She's tried to clean up several times in the past, but it's never gone through. She lies constantly, and hides things. Hell, that's probably where I got MY need to hide things... Or something, I dunno. To give you an idea of how much my mother drinks, well...
Okay, listen(read?) to this. When she lived here, my mother had a bedroom in our attic for a period of time. At one point, she moved down and I moved up. Well one night, I was having problems with my mattress, which kept sliding off the one it was sitting on (the attic ceiling was sloped, and since my bed was against the wall, there was just no room for a regular bed. So we stacked two on top of each other). You know why? I found out when I lifted my mattress to see what the problem was. There was literally HUNDREDS of empty potato vodka bottles stashed between the mattresses. Plus, the other day when Dad and I cleaned out the attic, we had literally bags upon bags of empty bottles and cans that Mom had hidden up there, that we had to throw away. That give you an idea?
Anyway- and all of this has been relayed to me since Mom no longer lives here -the other day Mom went into seizures. She was checked into the hospital, and was diagnosed with alcohol brain poisoning. That means that all she's drank has royally fucked up her head, and if she drinks once more, it could fucking kill her. And she's in denial-- she's refused EVERYONE's, even the doctor's, offers to help. Even her children's. So, I may lose my mother soon. I just lost my grandmother (HER mother), and now MY mother may be gone soon as well.
The problem is... Although I'm saddened about this, and it cuts deeply... I'm not depressed. I'm not "Oh my god my mother is gonna die, I can't go on!" and shit. I'm actually...well, I don't know how to explain it. I can tell you one thing though. Biologically that may be my mother, but that's not the woman I acknowledge as my mom. Who she was is gone-- ask any of my family, she's not who she used to be. So I may be losing my mother, but I'm not losing "Mom". Get it?... Ah hell, even I don't.
Anyway, I just wanted to get that out. There's a survey here that I stole from Yumi-girl, so have fun with that :P I'll do a less downer of an entry later XD;; Oh yeah, the entry title came from the English version of "Hiru no Tsuki" from Outlaw Star :P
( Survey! Yay? XD )
Semi-Random Pic of the Moment
Pup knows what this picture is about and who it is. Everyone else, have fun guessing! XDXD I MAY say it in a future entry, if I'm feeling nice or rambly ;P I will say that it is NOT a human. And I'm sorry for the quality, my scanner ate it right before it broke again ^_^;;;
